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I need to give a big huge update on this thing. This year has been a complete whirlwind for me.

I just woke up at like 4:30 for some reason and the new Trailer Park Boys is on Netflix. FUCK YES. This day is starting off pretty well. Haha.

I just woke up from the weirdest dream. I got off early today and took a nap when I got home. I was like at some big Halloween festival and Elliot was there with me. I think I was still with his dad in the dream. All this neat Halloween stuff was everywhere and there was a big parade. I can't remember all of it but when I woke up I just feel super weird and kind of like down.  That happens to me also though when I go to sleep and it's daylight and when I wake up its night time and I'm alone. I've never understood why it effects my mood like that.


I really hated that I had to go back to work today. I need more than one day off in a row every now and then. Yesterday was a lot of fun though. I slept late. smoked a lot of weed. listened to a lot of good music while driving around back roads. hung out with some friends and ended the night watching natural born killers. I actually felt chill and relaxed. If I could have a few days like that in a row, my anxiety and stress would be a lot lower.
My punctuation is way off I hate typing on this dumbass phone.


since I've slept most of the afternoon I guess I'll watch mindless netflix.  Jake isn't going to be getting home from work tonight until around 3:30-4. Probably right when  I'm getting sleepy again. I have to leave for work at 8 though so maybe I'll be asleep before then. hah.


I just took some headache medicine that makes me ramble on and on and blah blah so I'm gonna go.


OH. My cousin (who I haven't seen in 15+ years) messaged me on the book of faces yesterday and said they had gotten something in the mail (they live in Florida) saying that the SSA said my uncle might have died but they needed more information. I'm trying to find out but so far I can't find anything on him. I hope he isn't dead. it's really sad how my family just stopped talking to each other pretty much after my parents died and I don't really know why.


Aaaaaaannnnyway. I bought some badass hummus that's about to get eaten.


Sep. 1st, 2014

I am off work today. I'm seriously just going to watch movies all day or play music.
I wanted to go to Desoto caverns just to go in the cave but you can't go without the guide person there talking your fucking head off or whatever. I just wanna walk around without having to hear shit I already know and watch a shitty lazer light show about the 7 days of
earth's creation or what the. fuck. ever.


Elliot went back to his daddy's yesterday. so this week I am childless which is always weird but it's neat. I always miss the shit out of him. Once he starts school (which isn't until august of 2016) he will live with me full time but for now equal visitation is working.
my work schedule is pretty decent this week. I get off early except for two days.  I will probably go to Rachels after work tomorrow because it's Austins 6th birthday. party isn't until this weekend though.


I'm all over the place with this journal entry.  I literally just woke up and felt like updating.


I have insurance now that covers vision so I'm going to  the eye doctor soon. My old decrepit eyes aren't what they use to be hahah.


Autumn is coming and as always I am happy.  It will forever be my favorite season. I'm so ready for it and all of the feelings that come with it. 


"He use to say soulshine, It's better than sunshine, better than moonshine, damn sure better than rain. Hey now people don't mind, we all get this way sometime, gotta let your soulshine, shine till the break of day."

Also, I'm about to watch Children of the Corn. haha.


Aug. 30th, 2014

Gosh I haven't updated this since February and I said I was going to be so much better at it.
I work all the fucking time. seriously I had 3 off days this month and 2 were for my best friends wedding.
I'm moving soon. like in a month and 1/2 into an apartment again. I'm done with the roomate thing.


my little boy is getting so big. omg. I like still can't believe I have a kid.
I've gotta update this more, when I'm not at work I will haha. my brain is on over drive and so scattered at the moment that I don't know what to write about.  I have a ton to write about its just not coming out. hah.

This was taken a couple of days ago. I think I am going to use pictures a lot more so I can pinpoint where in my life I was or wtf ever when I read this 20 years from now or what have you.

I'm getting old. such is life.




I'm upset. I miss my dad. Blah. I just have these little random thoughts about him and little things he did. I miss my mom too and she was great, but I could always talk to my dad about anything and it would make sense.
That probably doesn't make sense.
Anyway. On a lighter note. I've lost about 20 pounds so far. That's always a good thing.



I didn't have fun in snowpocalypse 2014. I was stuck at work, (my nursing home job, the salon would hand been better.) from Tuesday until Thursday. I hope it never snows here again. Fuck that bullshit.


I have a mother fucking toothache. I think I have a cavity. I hate the dentist. Haha.

I work too damn much.

I'm going to watch the movie "Her" tonight. It seems like it's going to be weird as fuck so I think I'll like it.



Holidaze and such.

So. I'm going to attempt to write in here more often this year. I can't believe I still have this thing really. It's been 10 years this year that I've somewhat kept up with life on here. It's crazy how much can change in 10 years, yet still some things stay the same. Haha.

Anyway, Thanksgiving was my birthday this year. I turned 26. Which feels weird to say. I really can't believe I've already 26. I can tell mentally I've grown a lot just in the past year. I don't want to physically start looking too much older yet though. I am finding more grey hair. Haha.
Christmas was alright. Elliot had an awesome time so that makes it good. He's so happy all of the time. It's a good thing. My family, on the other hand, is a big pile of fucked up shit. Excluding my niece and nephews.
My brother calls me at 1 in the morning on Christmas Eve. My brother is an alcoholic, so I didn't answer it because many nights he's called and been so drunk I couldn't understand him. He left me a voicemail that I thought I would never hear. He told me he was "going to do something selfish and stupid and he wanted me to hate him for it" he said he didn't want to live anymore, etc. I called him back in a panic, we talked for an hour or so about fucked up shit, our parents being dead, and things I don't want to remember. He seemed alright after that. He called me that next afternoon apologizing and stuff. Apparently my whole family has the "let's bottle everything up until we can't handle it anymore" trait. I make sure to call him every other day or so now. That scared the shit out of me.
Christmas Day I went to my sisters house. I don't really want to talk much about it except that I know my sister and her girlfriend are back on drugs. This is about the 7th or 8th time that she's relapsed since she's had all 3 kids. Emily is almost 18, so I know she's going to get as far away from her as she can when they all find out. My sister is a dumb cunt and so is her girlfriend. I've done all I can for that situation. I'll make sure my niece and nephews are taken care of and have what they need but as far as my sister goes I'm not very happy with the situation at all. I want to say I'll shut her out and not give a shit, but I won't.
I brought in the new year driving home and listening to comfortably numb. Haha.

So, I'm hoping this year is going to be good. I want a lot of changes. I've already stopped being such a fat ass. I'm going back vegetarian, because well. I'm getting older and meat really isn't good for you. My family is full of crazy ass health problems so I just want to make getting older easier. I also only drink water pretty much. I'm not a big drinker anymore.

I'm probably going to see AFI this month. If you know me you know that's a big thing for me. I'll probably fan girl out. It's going to be amazing. :)

We are super busy at my salon job today. I've been trying to finish this since 9 and it's 12:30. Haha.
Until next time.

Peace outside.
A Fire Inside.


I will always hold on to hope that one day things will be different.